Note: be sure to listen to the song: If I Were the Bike Czar to the tune of If I Were a Rich Man. You'll find the link in green below.
Here's the cyclist-in-chief (actually taken by Brandon of the AP last July just after Barack Obama secured the Democratic nomination) leading by example.
President Obama is a cyclist it seems, and we know he's been putting his cabinet together so I got to wondering. He just appointed Gil Kerlikowske as the new Drug Czar. I know Gil--former Seattle Police Chief--so I thought if Gil could be our nation's Drug Czar why couldn't I be appointed by President Obama...to be the Bike Czar.
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan if I were the Cycling Czar?
If you want to hear what it would be like if I were the Bike Czar, listen here! Hint: if you minimize the audio player and go back to this page you can read along as you listen.
Follow the Bouncing Ball:
If I were the Bike Czar
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum
All day long I’d biddy biddy bum
If I were the Cycling Czar.
We wouldn’t have to drive cars
Ya da deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum
If I were the biddy biddy Bike
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle Czar.
I’d build a wide highway for bikes by the millions,
Just for (the) cyclists of the town.
Fine smooth lanes, no chip seal, glass or nails
There would be ten long bikeways just going up
And ten even longer going down
And singletracks for cyclists of the trail.
I’d set up shops with tubes and patches and glue
And pumps for folks to use for free
Cycling without flats, the wheels just whirl.
With each loud “ooh” and “mmm” and “ah” and “yeah”
We’d show how the cycle gives us glee
As if to say “We are a cycling world.”
If I were the Bike Czar,
Randonneuring, randonneuring, randonneuring, randonneur
All day long I’d pedal pedal pum
If I were the Cycling Czar
We wouldn’t have to drive cars
Randonneuring, randonneuring, randonneuring, randonneur
If I were the pedal pedal Bike
Pumping, pumping, pedal pumping Czar.
I see my bike, my Fuji, looking like a Bike Czar’s ride,
With a proper leather seat
Randonneuring dream, she’s my heart’s delight
I see her putting on airs and racing for the town signs
Oy, how the other bikes she’d beat
Riding all the brevets day and night.
The most important folk in town would come to fawn on me!
They would ask me to advise them
Like Velocio the Wise
“If you please, CurioRando…”
“Pardon me, CurioRando…”
Seeking cycles to return us to blue skies.
And it won’t make one bit of difference
If they’ve driven all their lives
When you’re Czar they get out of their cars!
If I were Czar we’d have the things that we need
To wash in the office place each day
We’d surely have some soap in the shower stalls.
And we’d slow down global warming with our pedaling
Getting stronger every way,
That would be the sweetest thing of all!
If I were the Bike Czar,
Randonneuring, randonneuring, randonneuring, randonneur
All day long I’d pedal pedal pump
If I were the Cycling Czar
We wouldn’t have to drive cars
Randonneuring, randonneuring, randonneuring, randonneur
Barack, who is our Prez and is our star
Why subsidize what is only just for cars?
Bicycles would really go so far
If I were the Cycling Czar!
Performed by Janak Jayapal Preston and DartreDame. Engineered and produced by Janak. Lyrics by CurioRando in collaboration with Janak and DartreDame. If you enjoyed their performance, please let them know by commenting. They'd be grateful.
Keep your fantasies alive,
CurioRando
